Double Duty Daddy

Five Things NOT To Say To Parents Of Twins

“I’ve always wanted twins.”

“You are so lucky!”

“Uh-oh, double trouble!”

“You got your hands full.”

“Are they twins?”

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I hear these remarks from people ‘almost’ on a daily basis. Quite the spectacle I must say when we go out on the weekends as it seems like everyone has something to say about our G&O. I realized early on that many people are enamored with twins and often lose all sense of decorum in their presence. Strangers at the grocery stores, malls, restaurants, parks, you name it, ask if they were conceived “natural,” if the twin lineage runs in our family and several other curiosity-filled questions.

Come on people, I’m not gonna go to 3rd base with you on the first date!?

Luckily for them, we don’t mind the questions and comments and quite frankly, we find it unusually flattering. The fact of the matter is, parents with multiples go through unique experiences that differentiate themselves from the masses. We’re aware of the distincetiveness of our situation but the magnitude of work that “it” requires is not universally understood so sometimes parents of multiples may be a bit sensitive to the commonly-made remarks directed at them.

Without further ado, here are my top 5 things NOT to say to a Mom or Dad of twins:

1. Did you have them natural?

This one is downright crossing the line. Unless parents of twins disclose this to you beforehand, avoid asking this question. It implies whether or not fertility meds were used and that hits a cord with people who have struggled to get pregnant. Although G&O were completely natural, the legitimacy of a pregnancy with fertility drugs doesn’t make it any less “legit”. If it’s on the edge of borderline appropriate, just avoid it altogether.

2. I’m so relieved I never had multiples.

I’ve never really understood why people make this comment. Are you scared you can’t handle multiple newborns at once? Wouldn’t knocking it out with one shot be easier for you then going through it twice or more? I’m relieved you didn’t have multiples either.

3. You must have been enormous!

This one applies to the ladies and I’ll leave this one alone.

4. My kids are only a year apart, so I understand what you are going through.

Um …that’s a bunch of BS! No you don’t! Having kids 1 year apart or two years apart is TOTALLY DIFFERENT than carrying, giving birth to, and caring for twins. Women carrying twins or multiples in general, usually are STARVING from 7 weeks on because those nutrient-sucking little beings are eating up their insides. Sometime around the 20 week mark, they are going to multiple doctor appointments at various doctors’ offices twice a week. Their belly almost always looks twice the size of a Mom carrying one with half the duration of the pregnancy. And I won’t even dive into the insane world of the first year with twins where THERE ARE NO BREAKS, MOM AND DAD. NONE.

5. How do you tell them apart?

I know it’s a commonly asked question and you mean well but this one annoys me. I tell them apart by looking at them. THEY ARE MY CHILDREN! I SEE THEM EVERY SINGLE DAY! Once the yelling stops inside my brain, I proceed to explain the physical difference between the two and politely ensure I utter the following words, “and they have completely different personalities”.

Comments, suggestions, questions? 

 

 

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